May 31st, 2025
I bought a book.
I know, I know… a book. Shocking.
But this little book caught my eye on a day I wasn't looking.
This little book may just be the little spark I didn't know I needed in my life.
The book is called The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.
A beautiful illustrated book of sketches, quotes and inspirational moments that pinched my heartstrings.
Although every page moved me, there was one I read on this day that stood out to me as a freshly crowned fifty year old woman.
The line is spoken by the little boy to the mole and says “I wonder if there is a school of unlearning”
I read this page over and over again.
It must have done something subconsciously, because during my lunch break the next day, I broke down to Mark.
No idea where the tears came from, but a deep unsettled feeling of discouragement sort of devoured me and took an hour to shake out of.
I've never been one to sugar coat problems, or hide the fact that I constantly struggle with self doubt and second guessing myself… both in the barn and my life in general.
But what I haven't openly admitted, is the mental gymnastics I put myself through when I'm sharing all this online.
Every job I do, I envision a peer jumping in on the comment section telling me how I'm doing it wrong, so I immediately add a dose of self-deprecation to dismantle a comment that at this point is only a potential one.
Every time I leave the house with my roots showing, I now find myself running back in to spray stupid root touch up colour to hide the fact that I'm privileged enough to age, because I predict the passive aggressive commenters advising me to ‘take better care of myself’ or my husband will leave me.
Not to mention the online trolls, porn bots and scammers trying to hijack my channel and confuse my actual true fans.
And finally, the feeling of becoming irrelevant.
The worst part??
I brought this all on myself.
As one commenter suggested, I deserve it and should expect it by putting myself online.
So when I read this one little phrase on Wednesday night, something finally shifted.
Is there a school of unlearning?
If so, sign me up.
I want to unlearn staying small because I was told once that I was a lot.
I want to unlearn the constant erosion of my confidence because I'm repeatedly told I'm wrong.
I want to unlearn the self-doubt and second guessing because I always felt like the dumb one growing up.
I want to unlearn the pressure put on women to look never their age… when we're young, we are told to look older. When we are older, we are told to look young.
I want to unlearn constantly raising the bar in business, because when is enough, truly enough?
I want to unlearn the fear of becoming irrelevant, because if I'm becoming irrelevant, it must mean at one point I was relevant and meant something to someone.
I want to unlearn so many things that I've ingested over the last fifty years of my life that are intended to make me a lesser version of me.
Instead, I want to learn how to regain my confidence again.
I want to learn how to trust myself, and be ok with failure.
I want to learn how to once again be comfortable in my own skin and stop feeding into our toxic beauty standards.
I want to learn to celebrate my wins, and be ok with status quo instead of always striving for more.
I want to learn how to not be caught up with relevancy, but to fully embrace legacy.
Because another quote from this heartwarming little book said this…
“what do you think success is?" asked the boy
“to love” said the mole.
…and isn't that the truth of it all.
Perhaps to succeed in the school of unlearning is actually learning to love.
23 comments
I just received my order of a Dips shirt and I am thrilled! I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL!!
I love your honesty, compassion, drive and all the other fabulous qualities you embody!,
Ignore the naysayers and “YOU DO YOU”!!!!!
I turned 62 this year. I quit wearing a bra at all during covid. I don’t wear makeup, dye my hair, or wear anything I find uncomfortable. I caring about what anyone else thinks. I am a follower of Wicca. In 2015 I had to have neurosurgery, it was a very scary time, and I came out of it with a permanent hole/indent in my skull where they did surgery. They recommended a hat outdoors to protect from heat and cold. I decided to wear the hat I like, so I wear a “pointy hat” with a few pins on it. Every day I get people telling me they love my hat, and the confidence I wear it with. I truly don’t care if anyone doesn’t like it. It makes ME happy, and that is the point. As women we end up over a life time making our selves smaller. Subduing who we are to make others happy. Fortunately I have a husband who love my eccenticities and my grey hair. He would rather see me, than a mask of makeup. Oddly enough, he does dye his hair, lol.
I turned 62 this year. I quit wearing a bra at all during covid. I don’t wear makeup, dye my hair, or wear anything I find uncomfortable. I caring about what anyone else thinks. I am a follower of Wicca. In 2015 I had to have neurosurgery, it was a very scary time, and I came out of it with a permanent hole/indent in my skull where they did surgery. They recommended a hat outdoors to protect from heat and cold. I decided to wear the hat I like, so I wear a “pointy hat” with a few pins on it. Every day I get people telling me they love my hat, and the confidence I wear it with. I truly don’t care if anyone doesn’t like it. It makes ME happy, and that is the point. As women we end up over a life time making our selves smaller. Subduing who we are to make others happy. Fortunately I have a husband who love my eccenticities and my grey hair. He would rather see me, than a mask of makeup. Oddly enough, he does dye his hair, lol.