May 31st, 2025
I bought a book.
I know, I know… a book. Shocking.
But this little book caught my eye on a day I wasn't looking.
This little book may just be the little spark I didn't know I needed in my life.
The book is called The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.
A beautiful illustrated book of sketches, quotes and inspirational moments that pinched my heartstrings.
Although every page moved me, there was one I read on this day that stood out to me as a freshly crowned fifty year old woman.
The line is spoken by the little boy to the mole and says “I wonder if there is a school of unlearning”
I read this page over and over again.
It must have done something subconsciously, because during my lunch break the next day, I broke down to Mark.
No idea where the tears came from, but a deep unsettled feeling of discouragement sort of devoured me and took an hour to shake out of.
I've never been one to sugar coat problems, or hide the fact that I constantly struggle with self doubt and second guessing myself… both in the barn and my life in general.
But what I haven't openly admitted, is the mental gymnastics I put myself through when I'm sharing all this online.
Every job I do, I envision a peer jumping in on the comment section telling me how I'm doing it wrong, so I immediately add a dose of self-deprecation to dismantle a comment that at this point is only a potential one.
Every time I leave the house with my roots showing, I now find myself running back in to spray stupid root touch up colour to hide the fact that I'm privileged enough to age, because I predict the passive aggressive commenters advising me to ‘take better care of myself’ or my husband will leave me.
Not to mention the online trolls, porn bots and scammers trying to hijack my channel and confuse my actual true fans.
And finally, the feeling of becoming irrelevant.
The worst part??
I brought this all on myself.
As one commenter suggested, I deserve it and should expect it by putting myself online.
So when I read this one little phrase on Wednesday night, something finally shifted.
Is there a school of unlearning?
If so, sign me up.
I want to unlearn staying small because I was told once that I was a lot.
I want to unlearn the constant erosion of my confidence because I'm repeatedly told I'm wrong.
I want to unlearn the self-doubt and second guessing because I always felt like the dumb one growing up.
I want to unlearn the pressure put on women to look never their age… when we're young, we are told to look older. When we are older, we are told to look young.
I want to unlearn constantly raising the bar in business, because when is enough, truly enough?
I want to unlearn the fear of becoming irrelevant, because if I'm becoming irrelevant, it must mean at one point I was relevant and meant something to someone.
I want to unlearn so many things that I've ingested over the last fifty years of my life that are intended to make me a lesser version of me.
Instead, I want to learn how to regain my confidence again.
I want to learn how to trust myself, and be ok with failure.
I want to learn how to once again be comfortable in my own skin and stop feeding into our toxic beauty standards.
I want to learn to celebrate my wins, and be ok with status quo instead of always striving for more.
I want to learn how to not be caught up with relevancy, but to fully embrace legacy.
Because another quote from this heartwarming little book said this…
“what do you think success is?" asked the boy
“to love” said the mole.
…and isn't that the truth of it all.
Perhaps to succeed in the school of unlearning is actually learning to love.
50 comments
Thank you for sharing this! I appreciate your bravery. My heart get weary from the individuals sending out such negativity. I don’t know them, which is true. Yet, they engage with the ‘war of words’ as if they were anointed to demean, defame. If, you hurt others because you hurt. That action won’t deminish your pain. If you strike out just because you can? How will that action strengthen your life. Sandi pours her heart out in each video. Sent out to be full, of her truth and her life. I love her Chanel. I love her strength. I love how she is brave. I learn from her. I grow and at times this growth, has been painful. Because, I needed to move from my comfy spot to a more sure, stronger spot. Thank you Sandi. Your loving manner has blessed my life. K
Dearest Sandi
What I love about your channel is that it is “THE REAL DEAL “! Working a farm is the hardest career in the world as far as I’m concerned. (I grew up on a dairy farm and saw my parents and me work day in and day out with no weekends off and no holidays or vacation time). To the people who criticize your “roots “ or how you run things, I say “ work 1 week in your shoes”! They won’t last a day! Be yourself! You are a HARDWORKING EXCEPTIONAL WOMAN! I love watching your channel and looking forward to every beautiful lambing! Seeing how much you have learned and how much you care for your family and sheep is amazing! Be proud of how far you’ve come! One of these days, I am going to catch one of your launches and get me a “Sheepishly Me” shirt, coffee mug, advent calendar, etc…. My Bucket List has SANDI BROCK’s SHEEP on it. I know you don’t do tours but it is my dream to spend a few hours along side you during lambing! I want to hold one of your precious little lambs so bad! For now I will just have to tune in every episode to get a taste of the joy you feel holding your sweet little lambs❤️
To the Critics out there, how would you feel if someone told you that you didn’t measure up? And what did Jesus want us to do? HE said to LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I LOVE YOU. Prayers to all who read this. May your heart be touched by The Holy Spirit and that you may have PEACE and KINDNESS in your HEART for all.
Electra Larimore
P.S. Sandi… YOU ROCK!!
Sandy
You are such a wonderful person. You’re a great mom, you’re a great wife, and you’re a great shepherdist!. You do the best you can.!! And I’ll let you in on a little secret. That’s all we can do. I turned 70 this year. I do a lot of my own things. I have finally learned at my age to ask for help. I was very rough on me. I was a single parent for most of my life. I was used to always having to do things myself. Now I’m doing something really wild. I’m actually asking for help. Sandy. You cannot do any thing more then your best. I don’t care what anybody else says. I always try to do my best. And if perchance it’s not" the best" it’s the best I could do at that moment. I’m done with beating myself up, second guessing myself, and worrying about with other people think. Because frankly I don’t care anymore. And if it’s not good enough then they can just do it. Okay, I rely heavily upon God. He is a source of my strength and wisdom by everything. He gives me the peace, call in the midst of a storm. Sandy, you are such a wonderful woman. Very very innovative, carrying you, loving, smart. . . Very smart! You know your sheep. And I think you second-gash yourself because you don’t want to make a mistake. I make them all the time. And I try not to beat myself up on it because at that time like you I did my best. And in spite of that I feel occasionally well, maybe a little bit more than occasionally 😂 But I learned a valuable lesson. Don’t beat myself up. I talk to God about it and I asked Him to help me walk through it. I don’t subscribe to many channels, but yours is one of the rawist ,truthful,, hysterical at times youtube channels. I love the depth with which you share with us. And for all the haters out there just let them be. Bottom line is they’re jealous of you and they’re small petty people who are very unhappy and get endorphins from trying to tear other people down. Just laughing at it and move on. That’s the best thing you can do. Because it’ll piss them off and you’ll feel better. You’re a wonderful woman, a wonderful mom, and a wonderful wife! With lots of love and prayers
Robin