IT HAS BEGUN…but I was done.
March 31st, 2025
The one good thing about getting up at stupid o'clock in the morning to check for newborn lambs is the extra little window of time in a day to check in with you all!
Lambing has officially started a couple days early with some happy, healthy lambs which if I'm honest, feels like the first good start in a very long time here (if ever).
It's been a challenging few years for me in what has historically been my most favourite time of year. Although I love learning and always find answers among failure, it gets discouraging over time. I see peers during their lambing season and it appears seamless.
Then I spiral into the comparison vortex.
“what am I doing wrong?”
“why is this still happening?”
“why is this only happening to me?”
All things you don't see (or maybe you do…) online watching my videos.
I've been internalizing a lot of self doubt since I started this career, and still feel like I had NO business entering it with zero experience.
For the first time this winter, I verbally admitted to myself that I was done.
Done with trying and done with failing.
Done with following the rules and still coming in last.
Done with the constant worry for six weeks leading up to the next lambing session, expecting the worst.
I just felt done.
But here's the thing about journaling… (in my case in video format).
If you take the time to reflect back on where you were, and compare it to where you are now… there are moments along the timeline where you see little glimpses of hope. A reminder to me, that the only comparison that truly matters is of my past self… not others.
I took the month of March to reflect on last year's lambing events and compiled them into three massive videos (if you watched, bless.)
And although I did this to stave off the YT gods so I could take a little break, it ended up being a much needed reflection tool for me in the process.
I could see the failures, but I could also see the lightbulb moments of said failures and acting on them.
Introducing new or forgotten management jobs in dealing with some flock health issues.
Digging deeper on nutrition.
Learning to trust new team members, and maybe just as importantly, my own gut when it comes to my flock.
It took being done, to make big changes.
In re-editing these videos, I saw improvement.
Slow, steady improvement weaved in with old and new challenges…
And finally seeing that improvement isn't always linear.
It's up, then down.
It's often sideways.
But if I could chart it, I think the line is slightly curving up…
So as we enter a new season, of a new year of lambing… I'm going to try to remember that improvement can't be seen in the here and now.
It's captured over time.
In the little moments of pleasant surprise, when you've lost all hope.
…and maybe that's all I need to become undone.
5 comments
I have learned so many things from your channel. I’m a true city girl with and farm girl heart. I am always amazed at the physicality of what you do and since we are similar age I often think I could never keep up. You are an Energizer Bunny. Love the sheep and how much love you give them. The farming end is beyond my comprehension but I try.
I have learned so many things from your channel. I’m a true city girl with and farm girl heart. I am always amazed at the physicality of what you do and since we are similar age I often think I could never keep up. You are an Energizer Bunny. Love the sheep and how much love you give them. The farming end is beyond my comprehension but I try.
Hi , Sandy
I so Bless that I can kick back , grab a coffee free up a few moments to watch a video. I love an aim Al all animals. Now Sheep are my favourite . I know we see only what remain use able . And that so much of what the Brock Family is remain unseen .
But what we see is lots and I love it all .
I wish Sandi I could take all you fears, self doubt away. But it’s kinda make you who you
are, and great at what you do!
People can be jerk , remember its their problem,
They have to live with them self , for ever .
I don’t know I just needed to chat with you have become part of all our lives !
So glad you didn’t give up !
We name out cat after your pup Lucy. That I’m it self says something.
Love your merch, Thank you for all the behind scene work ,
Troubleshoot,
Loss of sleep
Exhaustion
It doesn’t excape me , you your beautiful family
Well done !!!