May 31st, 2025
I bought a book.
I know, I know… a book. Shocking.
But this little book caught my eye on a day I wasn't looking.
This little book may just be the little spark I didn't know I needed in my life.
The book is called The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.
A beautiful illustrated book of sketches, quotes and inspirational moments that pinched my heartstrings.
Although every page moved me, there was one I read on this day that stood out to me as a freshly crowned fifty year old woman.
The line is spoken by the little boy to the mole and says “I wonder if there is a school of unlearning”
I read this page over and over again.
It must have done something subconsciously, because during my lunch break the next day, I broke down to Mark.
No idea where the tears came from, but a deep unsettled feeling of discouragement sort of devoured me and took an hour to shake out of.
I've never been one to sugar coat problems, or hide the fact that I constantly struggle with self doubt and second guessing myself… both in the barn and my life in general.
But what I haven't openly admitted, is the mental gymnastics I put myself through when I'm sharing all this online.
Every job I do, I envision a peer jumping in on the comment section telling me how I'm doing it wrong, so I immediately add a dose of self-deprecation to dismantle a comment that at this point is only a potential one.
Every time I leave the house with my roots showing, I now find myself running back in to spray stupid root touch up colour to hide the fact that I'm privileged enough to age, because I predict the passive aggressive commenters advising me to ‘take better care of myself’ or my husband will leave me.
Not to mention the online trolls, porn bots and scammers trying to hijack my channel and confuse my actual true fans.
And finally, the feeling of becoming irrelevant.
The worst part??
I brought this all on myself.
As one commenter suggested, I deserve it and should expect it by putting myself online.
So when I read this one little phrase on Wednesday night, something finally shifted.
Is there a school of unlearning?
If so, sign me up.
I want to unlearn staying small because I was told once that I was a lot.
I want to unlearn the constant erosion of my confidence because I'm repeatedly told I'm wrong.
I want to unlearn the self-doubt and second guessing because I always felt like the dumb one growing up.
I want to unlearn the pressure put on women to look never their age… when we're young, we are told to look older. When we are older, we are told to look young.
I want to unlearn constantly raising the bar in business, because when is enough, truly enough?
I want to unlearn the fear of becoming irrelevant, because if I'm becoming irrelevant, it must mean at one point I was relevant and meant something to someone.
I want to unlearn so many things that I've ingested over the last fifty years of my life that are intended to make me a lesser version of me.
Instead, I want to learn how to regain my confidence again.
I want to learn how to trust myself, and be ok with failure.
I want to learn how to once again be comfortable in my own skin and stop feeding into our toxic beauty standards.
I want to learn to celebrate my wins, and be ok with status quo instead of always striving for more.
I want to learn how to not be caught up with relevancy, but to fully embrace legacy.
Because another quote from this heartwarming little book said this…
“what do you think success is?" asked the boy
“to love” said the mole.
…and isn't that the truth of it all.
Perhaps to succeed in the school of unlearning is actually learning to love.
33 comments
I think you are beautifull. Your face is so expressive. And from what I can see you are such a sweet, kind soul, and that matters so much more than silly roots. I know how you feel as I’ve been struggling with these feelings myself, and I find it much easier to say kind things to you than to myself. But I admire you so much. The work you do is not easy. It requires a lot of fysical strength and emotional resilliance and I see it on you. In you. A strong body. And a kind smile. And a sparkle in your eyes. Even when some bozos are not being kind to you.
You are beautifull. And no matter if your roots show, or your hair is a mess, or you’re not in your best shirt. You work so so hard. You deserve to be kind to yourself. Taking care of yourself is not dying those roots. It’s reading those books to unwind. Taking a footbath after being on your feet all day. A hot shower or bath after a difficult deliver to relief your sore muscles. THAT’S selfcare.
And you are beautifull just the way you are.
I would love to draw you and try to captivate those gorgeous green eyes
Lots of love.
Celine.
Wife. Mom. Homemaker. And a big fan from the Netherlands;)
Sandi, you are a BEAUTIFUL woman, inside and out!! Your abilities to raise sheep (wow, what a job), help your husband with farming, and taking care of your family is truly awesome. I have always had illness in my life and thus could never do a smidgen of what you do every day. It just leaves me in awe to watch your videos and see all the many different kinds of things you know and do. And still you make videos of your daily life. Please, give yourself the ability to just be YOU and not to worry what the rest of the world may or may not think about you. Just want you to know that I love your videos. You have shown me the enourmous aount of things a sheep farmer does and the amount of fortitude you have. Finally, I love the peaceful feeling I get watching the new lives scampering about with their Moms. You show what contentment is by showing the sheep and their beautiful lambs,
Shirley
Thank you. By putting yourself out there, you help me see who I am and give me words to wxpress my feelings. You givw a gift to many of us. I don’t know how we can ever thank you…except by following, watching and buying merch.