May 31st, 2025
I bought a book.
I know, I know… a book. Shocking.
But this little book caught my eye on a day I wasn't looking.
This little book may just be the little spark I didn't know I needed in my life.
The book is called The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.
A beautiful illustrated book of sketches, quotes and inspirational moments that pinched my heartstrings.
Although every page moved me, there was one I read on this day that stood out to me as a freshly crowned fifty year old woman.
The line is spoken by the little boy to the mole and says “I wonder if there is a school of unlearning”
I read this page over and over again.
It must have done something subconsciously, because during my lunch break the next day, I broke down to Mark.
No idea where the tears came from, but a deep unsettled feeling of discouragement sort of devoured me and took an hour to shake out of.
I've never been one to sugar coat problems, or hide the fact that I constantly struggle with self doubt and second guessing myself… both in the barn and my life in general.
But what I haven't openly admitted, is the mental gymnastics I put myself through when I'm sharing all this online.
Every job I do, I envision a peer jumping in on the comment section telling me how I'm doing it wrong, so I immediately add a dose of self-deprecation to dismantle a comment that at this point is only a potential one.
Every time I leave the house with my roots showing, I now find myself running back in to spray stupid root touch up colour to hide the fact that I'm privileged enough to age, because I predict the passive aggressive commenters advising me to ‘take better care of myself’ or my husband will leave me.
Not to mention the online trolls, porn bots and scammers trying to hijack my channel and confuse my actual true fans.
And finally, the feeling of becoming irrelevant.
The worst part??
I brought this all on myself.
As one commenter suggested, I deserve it and should expect it by putting myself online.
So when I read this one little phrase on Wednesday night, something finally shifted.
Is there a school of unlearning?
If so, sign me up.
I want to unlearn staying small because I was told once that I was a lot.
I want to unlearn the constant erosion of my confidence because I'm repeatedly told I'm wrong.
I want to unlearn the self-doubt and second guessing because I always felt like the dumb one growing up.
I want to unlearn the pressure put on women to look never their age… when we're young, we are told to look older. When we are older, we are told to look young.
I want to unlearn constantly raising the bar in business, because when is enough, truly enough?
I want to unlearn the fear of becoming irrelevant, because if I'm becoming irrelevant, it must mean at one point I was relevant and meant something to someone.
I want to unlearn so many things that I've ingested over the last fifty years of my life that are intended to make me a lesser version of me.
Instead, I want to learn how to regain my confidence again.
I want to learn how to trust myself, and be ok with failure.
I want to learn how to once again be comfortable in my own skin and stop feeding into our toxic beauty standards.
I want to learn to celebrate my wins, and be ok with status quo instead of always striving for more.
I want to learn how to not be caught up with relevancy, but to fully embrace legacy.
Because another quote from this heartwarming little book said this…
“what do you think success is?" asked the boy
“to love” said the mole.
…and isn't that the truth of it all.
Perhaps to succeed in the school of unlearning is actually learning to love.
50 comments
Oh Sweet Sister!
This absolutely broke my heart and brought me to tears. In so many ways, we just live in such a horrible world these days. Of course there are some good things out there also. But for the most part, a lot of people just truly are pretty shitty. There’s just no ifs ands or buts about it. And for the life of me, I’ll NEVER understand where these people get off telling others their downfalls and just being plain freaking MEAN!! LIKE, WHO ON EARTH RAISED THESE PEOPLE? My mother would have killed me for doing such things. It just wasn’t acceptable. Wasn’t aloud. EVER!!! (NOT to mention that I never ever would have even thought of doing such a thing because I just Wasn’t raised that way. It wouldn’t have ever occurred to me to purposely put someone down or hurt them in ANY WAY! (I’ll never forget reading that comment about roots! I was MORTIFIED! I thought to myself…. WHO ON EARTH WOULD SAY SUCH HORRIFIC HURTFUL THINGS? And then I thought to myself after glancing in the mirror….. BOY! THESE GUYS WOULD REALLY HAVE A HAY DAY IF THEY SAW MY ROOTS AND MAKEUP RIGHT NOW! I WAS WAY OVER DUE!!!) YES, you do put yourself out there for the world to see. But I’m sorry. I still don’t believe that just makes it OK for others to put you down. Hurt you. Humiliate you. ANYTHING!! Just because you YouTube doesn’t mean you all for it. SHAME ON THEM!!
Please PLEASE know that all the mean comments I read just make me think not so good things about the authors of the posts. Then sad for the person they’re hurting. (Because I see this so often. On so many channels) I sure wish there were a way that I could take all this completely out of your brain so that you didn’t even remember these harsh words. (And I know full well thus happens often, and it’s not just a one off thing) I can’t think of a single thing that can make these mean people stop. Or up make you forget these things. The only thing I can really do is to pray for you. For peace. For the hurt to go away. For the confidence to find it’s way back to you. And most of all…. FOR YOU TO FEEL GREAT ABOUT YOURSELF!!! So that’s what I’m going to do! I wish we were friends so we could talk and you could just let it all out. But hopefully my words will help you somewhat.
Good luck with your winter launch! I can wait to see everything!!
Wishing you the most amazing week ever. And the most wonderful holiday season you’ve ever known!
Great big HUGE hugs and kisses to your entire family!!!!
Christeen
I never comment on videos or websites but this struck me as important. Your YouTube videos are those that I never miss and I can’t say that about anyone else. I just love watching what goes on with your family on your farm. I just finished watching the video of the Adventure Calendar release and how it didn’t go as hoped but don’t take any negative comments to heart. You know most of the people out here love feeling part of your life.
Carolyn
I got my yarn today, no issues. I didn’t get a thank you card or stickers ☹️