May 31st, 2025
I bought a book.
I know, I know… a book. Shocking.
But this little book caught my eye on a day I wasn't looking.
This little book may just be the little spark I didn't know I needed in my life.
The book is called The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.
A beautiful illustrated book of sketches, quotes and inspirational moments that pinched my heartstrings.
Although every page moved me, there was one I read on this day that stood out to me as a freshly crowned fifty year old woman.
The line is spoken by the little boy to the mole and says “I wonder if there is a school of unlearning”
I read this page over and over again.
It must have done something subconsciously, because during my lunch break the next day, I broke down to Mark.
No idea where the tears came from, but a deep unsettled feeling of discouragement sort of devoured me and took an hour to shake out of.
I've never been one to sugar coat problems, or hide the fact that I constantly struggle with self doubt and second guessing myself… both in the barn and my life in general.
But what I haven't openly admitted, is the mental gymnastics I put myself through when I'm sharing all this online.
Every job I do, I envision a peer jumping in on the comment section telling me how I'm doing it wrong, so I immediately add a dose of self-deprecation to dismantle a comment that at this point is only a potential one.
Every time I leave the house with my roots showing, I now find myself running back in to spray stupid root touch up colour to hide the fact that I'm privileged enough to age, because I predict the passive aggressive commenters advising me to ‘take better care of myself’ or my husband will leave me.
Not to mention the online trolls, porn bots and scammers trying to hijack my channel and confuse my actual true fans.
And finally, the feeling of becoming irrelevant.
The worst part??
I brought this all on myself.
As one commenter suggested, I deserve it and should expect it by putting myself online.
So when I read this one little phrase on Wednesday night, something finally shifted.
Is there a school of unlearning?
If so, sign me up.
I want to unlearn staying small because I was told once that I was a lot.
I want to unlearn the constant erosion of my confidence because I'm repeatedly told I'm wrong.
I want to unlearn the self-doubt and second guessing because I always felt like the dumb one growing up.
I want to unlearn the pressure put on women to look never their age… when we're young, we are told to look older. When we are older, we are told to look young.
I want to unlearn constantly raising the bar in business, because when is enough, truly enough?
I want to unlearn the fear of becoming irrelevant, because if I'm becoming irrelevant, it must mean at one point I was relevant and meant something to someone.
I want to unlearn so many things that I've ingested over the last fifty years of my life that are intended to make me a lesser version of me.
Instead, I want to learn how to regain my confidence again.
I want to learn how to trust myself, and be ok with failure.
I want to learn how to once again be comfortable in my own skin and stop feeding into our toxic beauty standards.
I want to learn to celebrate my wins, and be ok with status quo instead of always striving for more.
I want to learn how to not be caught up with relevancy, but to fully embrace legacy.
Because another quote from this heartwarming little book said this…
“what do you think success is?" asked the boy
“to love” said the mole.
…and isn't that the truth of it all.
Perhaps to succeed in the school of unlearning is actually learning to love.
50 comments
You’re reading my mind. I need to come across a helpful book too. Politics are getting too hard to hear. I love Canada. It’s beautiful and your roads are not nearly as messed up as ours. The path here could always be clearer. I have no set direction most days and it scares me. I’m 50. I stayed home to take care of our 4 kids. Now, I look back and haven’t really had a career. My biggest accomplishment has been getting the kids from preemies to HS graduates. No one died so, I guess I did ok.
You do make a good impression on those of us who watch you regularly. You show us it’s ok when the day is a stinker. You show us how you love your family, your sheep, your viewers, and I say “you”. I have always been told I have to love myself to help make a difference. I did for a bit but then I lost me. Lost in the weeds that stick to your clothes, mostly dog hair too. I have a lot to be thankful for but, sometimes I think too much and fall down that rabbit hole. Right now the country if full of rabbit holes. It’s scary. Most of all, politics are hurtful.
I can love my family, the dog hair stuck to my clothes but, I’m still working on the “me” part. Watching your channel brings some life to our house. I was so excited when my order arrived. I sat and looked at the stamp you put on every box, and how carefully and neat it all looked. I promised myself to be patient so that me and my husband could open it together. It was so much fun opening the package. The candle smelled so very good, and the shirts were so very soft. That is how you make such a difference in others lives. The fun of opening the package was great. We talked how long it must have taken to stamp all the boxes. We talked about how everything was so nicely put together. But most of all we talked about the golden girls that make us all smile.
You do a lot right. I can’t imagine how you aren’t more tired though. As for grey hairs, one really nice lady asked me…”did you earn all those grey roots?” Loudly laughing I said yup, I earned every single one of them. I smiled and walked away thinking …why are young people dying their hair grey? I figure with grey (which will meet-up with the hair styler soon) hairs I’m finally somewhat in fashion…😂
Thank you for being you.
Wow, I have felt the same way!! I grew up on a farm, felt insecure everywhere with everyone. It didn’t feel good or get better until I decided to do something about it. I was overweight so losing some of that was first on the list. And what is that saying? “fake it till you make it”. I desperately wanted to get married and have children. I met the most amazing man, married him, and we had 4 amazing kids. I got a job at school helping young children. It was so rewarding. I am not a well-known author or a doctor or a lawyer, but I do want a can. It takes us all to make the world go round. Sandi, be happy. You are a wonderful person,wife,mother, farmer and I love tuning into your videos and I can see how you care. I am a senior citizen now and look back and see good things I have done. Keep being you, Sandi, it’s working!!! Don’t question yourself or your worth. You are definitely enough.
I’ve left this comment before on You Tube but it’s important to me..
My prayer for 2025 is that you see yourself like we do; an amazing person🙏. How I see you; a wonderful farmer, a great teacher, a humorous Lady, an awesome Mom & Wife, a pride to your community and the kindest heart you share that you have towards with every single creature you come into contact with. I could go on & on❣️ Enjoy the life you’ve created, you both, Mark & you, earned it.
Always a fan,
Stacie