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March 2023

Yup.  February was a meme.
You know the one… the dumpster, on fire floating down a river.  Ya, that one.
Well… it accurately depicted our February both metaphorically and literally.
 A little lookback, shall we?
In last month's letter, I think I left you all at the stage of Jess coming home to recover from her second surgery in just over a year.
She's doing really well, but we found out at her post-op consult that we still needed to wait for more results. 
FYI - we don't do well in the waiting…
So keep us all in your thoughts and prayers that all is well with her.
The same week  Jess came home, my dear husband-turned-carpenter had a bad fall, broke his wrist and split open his chin.  Another hospital visit, some stitches and one cast later… I brought patient number two home.
A few hours later, I had a loaded trailer of lambs heading to the sales barn and got a call from a very out-of-breath Mark… which was weird… I left him on the couch to chill.
It also sounded like he was driving.  Also weird.
Soooo… apparently after I left, our dumpster spontaneously erupted into fire so Mark had to try (one handed) to put it out.  He soon found out a fire extinguisher is much easier to use with two hands, so he gave up and grabbed the loader to move it out away from our buildings to burn in peace.
That's right… our week was a literal dumpster fire. 
(and it was only Wednesday.)
The rest of the month was just me sort of working around the weather to prepare for this fast approaching lambing season, while fighting a few unforeseen sheep barn dramas and a deep seeded overwhelmedness.
A few other family members also had their own form of dumpster fires this month, and my worry continued to compound.
So I've been carrying around this heavy bag of concern, and as we rounded into March, some of the load started to lighten… but there was one that weirdly was getting heavier.
Lambing season.
In fact, I've been sort of dreading it.
I love lambing season.  I love the lead-up, the anticipation and that first little bleat of the lambs… but for some reason, I don't feel ready.
I'm anxious, and rattled.
I'm in my head about every bad thing I experience during lambing instead of all the things I love, and wondering if I'm strong enough to handle it all this time.
Spoiler alert… lambing has started a week early.
And as my negative energy accurately manifested… it hasn't started well.
Sorry, this newsletter is depressing.
But I needed to download these feelings before they eroded me entirely.
I finally had a little meltdown with Mark last week and was able to articulate this feeling of dread I couldn't shake.
He, as always, was my voice of reason and calm and I felt much more at ease.
We are down to two more weeks with his cast (yay!) and Jess has another surgeon consult this Friday, so hoping we can finally have answers on that end too.
I do have a few little newborn cuties keeping my spirits lifted, and I finally have the barn exactly how I want it.
So we're getting there.
But I wanted to share how my work is so very dependent on me being in a healthy, happy mental state.
Farming in its entirety, carries an enormous amount of stress and uncertainty.
So feeling just a little unhinged in life, compounds when added to the stresses of work.
I've never really been one to fully embrace the self-care movement, but maybe see some validity in it now.
I try to take a few walks back the field to our cabin, just to think and get some fresh air… and I've come to crave this time.
So as we look back at this month, literally the thing that makes us smile and laugh… is that damn dumpster fire.
A symbol for us to never take for granted the days that seem boring and uneventful.
Because life can spontaneously erupt into chaos pretty darn quick, and the boring will all of a sudden look beautiful.
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1 comment

  • This blogpost resonates! IN particular how our job as farmers depends on us being in a good place mentally (and physically). Ready or not that sun is going to rise on a sea of chores. It’s important to remember that the most important chore is to care for ourselves so we can continue to enjoy the work.


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