July 31st, 2024
I had hopes of writing this newsletter hours ago, but after a long day out in the barn I stupidly checked my Youtube app and noticed that today's video was flagged and is now being suppressed.
I can't tell you the feeling that washes over me when this happens… and I know it's not relatable to likely anyone. I guess the closest thing to equate it to is working really hard on an assignment that you're proud of, and that one teacher gives you failing grade with no explanation as to what part of the assignment you did wrong.
July was overall a really good month.
But if I'm honest, the last couple weeks have taken a toll on me.
As we've been busy in the fields trying to get wheat off, my pregnant ewes have once again been quietly developing pregnancy toxemia.
This, after so much work being done behind the scenes to make sure we were preventing this disease that keeps haunting my flock (and me.)
It's left me quite defeated, and doubting myself.
Feeling desperate, I asked for help.
Help from a new set of eyes, and maybe more importantly, a very open mind and heart to how I'm feeling through this.
We stood in the barn last Thursday morning and talked for FOUR hours… and honestly, it felt like five minutes.
And when we finished, I felt heard.
I felt validated in my defeat, but encouraged to try another way.
I also realized in our conversation how much I've been ignoring my intuition. Not trusting my gut and the knowledge of my flock that I've developed over the years.
I'm an avid rule follower, and rarely go rogue as I'm too scared to fail or get in trouble for not following instructions.
But this has slowly eroded away at my confidence as I've quieted that little voice inside that is trying to tell me something is off.
But this ends now.
I'm aligning myself with people who believe in me, respect my opinions and offer the support I've been needing.
This week we've revamped our feeding strategies, starting from square one to bring these ewes into better condition so when it comes time to lamb, they hopefully won't succumb to preg tox.
Our plan will take time, and I've been warned to not expect big changes overnight… it might actually take a year or more.
But this is all I need. Just the glimpse of hope that I can finally make a difference.
Ok, now that THAT'S off my chest… let's recap July shall we??
(I'll try to make it short)
- Our Sheepishly Me fulfillment building is really starting to look like an actual building now!
- I shared a sad goodbye with Peanut, our rescue sextuplet after weeks of working with him.
- Our July breeding group has already done the dirty deed, and have even signed the divorce papers. Now to see how our ladies fare at the next ultrasound!
- Second cut hay, wheat and straw is done and dusted…
- We celebrated our niece Erika's wedding day
- Jess turned 22 years old the same day!
- Mark turned 51 last Friday…
- I wrote a letter to my dear Amy to remember her on the 29th… I still can't believe it's been six years since she left this world.
July's been a busy month.
Full of frustration and full of lessons, but as I read this little summary, I see it was also full of love.
A good reminder that when we are feeling only defeat in the darkness, there will always be glimpses of hope in the light.
But it's ultimately up to us to see it.
July 31st, 2024
I had hopes of writing this newsletter hours ago, but after a long day out in the barn I stupidly checked my Youtube app and noticed that today's video was flagged and is now being suppressed.
I can't tell you the feeling that washes over me when this happens… and I know it's not relatable to likely anyone. I guess the closest thing to equate it to is working really hard on an assignment that you're proud of, and that one teacher gives you failing grade with no explanation as to what part of the assignment you did wrong.
July was overall a really good month.
But if I'm honest, the last couple weeks have taken a toll on me.
As we've been busy in the fields trying to get wheat off, my pregnant ewes have once again been quietly developing pregnancy toxemia.
This, after so much work being done behind the scenes to make sure we were preventing this disease that keeps haunting my flock (and me.)
It's left me quite defeated, and doubting myself.
Feeling desperate, I asked for help.
Help from a new set of eyes, and maybe more importantly, a very open mind and heart to how I'm feeling through this.
We stood in the barn last Thursday morning and talked for FOUR hours… and honestly, it felt like five minutes.
And when we finished, I felt heard.
I felt validated in my defeat, but encouraged to try another way.
I also realized in our conversation how much I've been ignoring my intuition. Not trusting my gut and the knowledge of my flock that I've developed over the years.
I'm an avid rule follower, and rarely go rogue as I'm too scared to fail or get in trouble for not following instructions.
But this has slowly eroded away at my confidence as I've quieted that little voice inside that is trying to tell me something is off.
But this ends now.
I'm aligning myself with people who believe in me, respect my opinions and offer the support I've been needing.
This week we've revamped our feeding strategies, starting from square one to bring these ewes into better condition so when it comes time to lamb, they hopefully won't succumb to preg tox.
Our plan will take time, and I've been warned to not expect big changes overnight… it might actually take a year or more.
But this is all I need. Just the glimpse of hope that I can finally make a difference.
Ok, now that THAT'S off my chest… let's recap July shall we??
(I'll try to make it short)
- Our Sheepishly Me fulfillment building is really starting to look like an actual building now!
- I shared a sad goodbye with Peanut, our rescue sextuplet after weeks of working with him.
- Our July breeding group has already done the dirty deed, and have even signed the divorce papers. Now to see how our ladies fare at the next ultrasound!
- Second cut hay, wheat and straw is done and dusted…
- We celebrated our niece Erika's wedding day
- Jess turned 22 years old the same day!
- Mark turned 51 last Friday…
- I wrote a letter to my dear Amy to remember her on the 29th… I still can't believe it's been six years since she left this world.
July's been a busy month.
Full of frustration and full of lessons, but as I read this little summary, I see it was also full of love.
A good reminder that when we are feeling only defeat in the darkness, there will always be glimpses of hope in the light.
But it's ultimately up to us to see it.
1 comment
Sandi, I only recently have become addicted to your Youtube and now your blog. Your passion and your pain, you share what is real and not some fluffy image that only is enchanting. You always make it back to hope and your passion for what you do shines through even in the sorrow. It is a touching to watch you simply being your authentic self, in fact it is refreshing. You do you and that is inspirational. Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an onslaught of viewers. You encourage me to be just me. Because both you and I, foibles and all, we are enough.