April 30th, 2024
As a kid, April was my favourite month.
It was the month we started to see a little more of the sun, a little less of the snow, and hints of spring all around us as each day of April passed.
Likely the fact that it also doubled as my birthday month was a big part of the April hyperfixation.
However, as an adult, the month has become a little less exciting.
It's a month of wishing for more.
More sunshine, more hints of spring and perhaps if I'm honest with myself, more days before my next birthday.
We are told to be grateful for each birthday you ‘get’ to celebrate… And honestly, after last year's trials, I get it now.
However, we all are human.
And we all have our insecurities and demons to battle.
Aging wasn't one on my radar (trust me, I have many others that keep me occupied) but here we are.
And picking up a camera everyday can really add to this newish revelation.
Each day, I swear I see a new wrinkle, a deeper frown line, and those pesky grey hairs that keep me in good standing with my hairdresser every four weeks.
This month I was humbled and honoured to be recognized in the community with the work I've been doing on the channel.
And my first reaction, after shock, was one of self doubt.
Growing up, these sort of awards were gifted to the selfless volunteers giving up their time and energy to lift the community around them.
I felt insignificant in comparison.
And then someone pulled Mark aside at the banquet and asked the inevitable… “how did SHE get this? she seems too young? does this mean she's past her peak?”… and there it was…
Although I laughed and agreed when he told me what she had said, I eroded just a little more on the inside.
All those insecurities I already struggled with now had a floodlight shining on them.
But my dear friend who knew how uncomfortable I was feeling going into this function reminded me of an email I read to her during one of our coffee dates.
She reminded me that I had read many of these type of emails to her over the years, and that I had impacted more people than I had given myself credit for.
I was reminded that ‘community’ can mean many things to many people, and that I am a part of one here, even if only virtually.
It was in this moment that I realized just how many hours I've spent filming, editing, and showing up even on the hard days.
That many people have found comfort in the channel whether it be through me, or my wonderfully wooly companions.
It may not be obvious in the traditional means of devoting oneself to their community, but perhaps I'm serving in a way that's maybe a little more unconventional.
So as I'm getting dangerously close to knock, knock, knockin' on 50's door…
Well, maybe Mark said it best in his reply to our lady friend at the banquet with a big knowing grin…
“Past her peak???" *giggles
"oh, she's just getting started.”
